Toxic Masculinity

 

Toxic Masculinity: Where Does It Come From?

Toxic masculinity is a term that gets used a lot these days, but many people are still confused about what it really means. Some think it means all masculinity is bad, but that is not true. Masculinity, in itself, is not harmful. Being strong, being a provider, or being a leader are not bad traits. The problem starts when certain ideas about being a man turn into harmful rules or expectations that hurt not just men, but everyone around them. That is what toxic masculinity is about.

So, where does this toxic version of masculinity come from? It starts very early in life. From the time boys are little, they are often told to “man up,” “boys do not cry,” “be tough,” or “do not act like a girl.” These are not just words. They are powerful messages that get repeated at home, in school, on TV, in movies, in sports, and even in religious or cultural settings. Over time, boys begin to believe that being a man means hiding emotions, using power over others, avoiding anything that seems “feminine,” and solving problems through aggression or silence.

This is not natural behavior. It is something that is taught, usually without people even realizing it. When boys grow up in environments where being sensitive or vulnerable is mocked, they learn to bury their feelings. They stop talking about their pain. They laugh off sadness or replace it with anger. They learn that showing emotion is weakness. But feelings do not go away just because we hide them. They build up inside and often come out in unhealthy ways, like violence, emotional withdrawal, or even substance abuse.

Another root of toxic masculinity is fear—fear of not fitting in, fear of being judged, fear of being called weak or less of a man. So many men go through life pretending to be someone they are not because they are afraid of being shamed. They wear a mask of toughness, even when they are hurting inside. And this does not just harm men—it affects their families, their partners, their coworkers, and even their children.

Toxic masculinity also teaches men that to be respected, they need to dominate. This might mean controlling others, acting like they are always right, or using anger to get what they want. These behaviors can damage relationships and make it hard for men to connect in healthy, respectful ways. It also creates a cycle, because younger boys grow up seeing this behavior and begin to copy it.

Sadly, this kind of masculinity can make men feel trapped. They are told to be protectors, but not nurturers. They are allowed to get angry, but not to cry. They are taught to chase success but never admit when they are overwhelmed. Over time, this pressure can lead to mental health issues like depression and anxiety. But many men are too ashamed to ask for help, because they have been taught that “real men” do not struggle.

So, where exactly did these harmful ideas come from? A lot of it is historical. In the past, societies were built around survival, war, and labor. Men were expected to be warriors, workers, and rulers. Strength and control were seen as necessary traits. Over time, those ideas got passed down, even though society has changed. Today, we live in a world where communication, kindness, teamwork, and emotional intelligence are just as important as physical strength. But many of the old beliefs about masculinity still remain.

The media has played a huge role in continuing these ideas. For decades, movies and television have shown male heroes who rarely talk about their feelings, who solve problems by fighting, and who always stay in control. These characters become role models, and boys grow up wanting to be like them. But what they do not see is the emotional cost of living that way. Real men are not action figures. They have fears, doubts, and insecurities, just like everyone else.

Toxic masculinity also survives because it gives some men a sense of power or safety. When the world feels uncertain, sticking to rigid roles can feel comforting. But that comfort comes at a cost. It means men do not get to experience the full range of human emotions. It means they often feel alone. It means they sometimes end up hurting the people they love because they never learned how to express themselves in a healthy way.

The good news is that change is possible. More and more people are beginning to talk about these issues. Schools, parents, and communities are starting to encourage boys to express themselves, to be kind, to ask for help, and to respect others. Men are starting to speak openly about their struggles, and to support each other in becoming more emotionally aware. These are small steps, but they make a big difference.

Masculinity does not need to be toxic. It can be about courage, honesty, love, and leadership in a way that lifts others up instead of pushing them down. It can be about standing strong not just for yourself, but for your family, your friends, and your values. It can mean protecting others not through control, but through empathy and action.

Breaking free from toxic masculinity does not mean losing your identity. It means becoming more fully human. It means allowing yourself to feel, to connect, to grow. And when men give themselves permission to do that, everyone benefits—our relationships become healthier, our communities become safer, and our world becomes more compassionate.