What Is Socialization? How You Were Programmed Since Birth
Have you ever stopped to wonder why you believe certain things, act a certain way, or even talk and walk like the people around you? From the moment you were born, even before you knew how to speak or understand the world, you were being shaped. This process is called socialization. It is like being programmed, not by a machine, but by your family, culture, school, media, religion, friends, and everything else around you. Socialization is how we learn what it means to be human in our society. It teaches us how to behave, what to value, what is considered normal, and how to live with other people.
Imagine a newborn baby. The baby cannot talk, does not know what is right or wrong, and has no idea what country it is in, what religion it will follow, or even what gender roles it will be expected to follow. All of that knowledge comes later, through socialization. The moment the baby is born, people start treating it in a certain way based on its gender. If it is a girl, they may dress her in pink and give her dolls. If it is a boy, they may dress him in blue and give him toy cars. That is socialization in action, even if the baby is not aware of it.
As we grow up, we are constantly being taught how to live in the world. Our parents are usually our first teachers. They tell us to say “please” and “thank you,” to wash our hands, to not talk back to elders, to go to school, and to be respectful. They reward us when we follow the rules and punish us when we do not. All of this teaches us what is expected. It helps us become part of the group. Without socialization, a child would grow up without understanding how to talk, how to dress properly, how to interact with others, or even how to eat in public.
School is another big part of the socialization process. At school, children do not just learn math and science. They learn how to sit still, follow instructions, respect authority, compete with others, and work as a team. They also learn who they are in relation to others. Are they smart? Popular? Funny? Shy? All of these ideas come from how others treat them and how they see themselves in a group. Teachers, classmates, and the school system help shape a person’s view of the world.
Friends, especially during teenage years, become a powerful force in socialization. Teenagers start spending more time with their friends than with their families. They begin to copy how their friends talk, dress, and think. This is why peer pressure is such a big deal. People want to fit in, so they change their behavior to match the group. Sometimes this is good—like learning how to be confident or open-minded. Other times it can lead to negative behavior, like bullying or making risky choices just to be accepted.
Mass media—like television, movies, music, and especially social media—also plays a huge role in socialization today. Think about it: how many things do you believe or know because you saw them on the internet? Social media platforms are full of influencers telling people how to dress, eat, talk, and live. News channels, shows, and even cartoons send messages about gender roles, beauty standards, success, and what is considered “cool.” These messages affect how we see ourselves and others, often without us even realizing it.
Religion, too, can be a powerful tool of socialization. It teaches people what is right and wrong, what happens after death, what rules to follow, and how to treat others. It gives people a sense of identity, purpose, and community. From a young age, children may be taught prayers, moral stories, and religious customs that they carry with them for the rest of their lives.
The truth is, socialization never really stops. Even adults are constantly learning new things from their workplaces, relationships, and environments. When someone moves to a new country, they go through a process of learning the local culture, language, and rules all over again. That is called re-socialization. Even big life changes like becoming a parent, getting married, or starting a new job come with new lessons about how to behave in those roles.
You might ask, is socialization a good thing or a bad thing? The answer is, it depends. Socialization is necessary for society to function. Without it, people would not know how to live together peacefully. It teaches us basic manners, cooperation, and shared values. But at the same time, socialization can also teach harmful beliefs. For example, if someone grows up in a society that teaches hate, racism, or inequality, they may grow up believing those things are normal. That is why it is so important to think critically about what we learn and why we believe what we believe.
One powerful example of how deep socialization goes is when someone tries to act differently from what they were taught. Maybe they grew up being told that crying is weak, but later learn that expressing emotions is healthy. Or maybe they were told certain groups of people are bad, but then meet someone from that group who is kind and respectful. Changing those beliefs can feel like going against your programming, and it is not always easy. But it shows that even though we are shaped by socialization, we are not trapped by it. We can reflect, question, and choose different paths.
Socialization is also not the same for everyone. Your experience depends on your culture, religion, country, gender, class, and more. For example, a girl raised in a rural village may be taught very different things from a boy raised in a big city. Even in the same family, siblings may be treated differently based on birth order, personality, or gender. That means socialization is personal, but it still follows general patterns that society expects.
So when people say things like “boys will be boys” or “girls should act like ladies,” they are often repeating what they have been taught, not necessarily what is true or natural. These ideas come from generations of socialization that tell us what roles men and women should play. Breaking free from those roles does not mean we are broken—it means we are thinking for ourselves.
Understanding socialization is important because it helps us understand ourselves and others. It explains why we do what we do and where our values come from. It helps us be more accepting and less judgmental. Instead of saying, “That person is weird,” we might say, “They were socialized differently than I was.” It also helps us grow. If we know that some parts of our thinking come from early programming, we can choose to reprogram ourselves with better, kinder, and more honest beliefs.
So the next time you look in the mirror and wonder why you behave a certain way, remember this: you were shaped, molded, and influenced since the day you were born. But now that you are aware of it, you have the power to keep what helps you and let go of what holds you back. You were programmed, yes—but now you can start writing your own code.
By Khushdil Khan Kasi
