Stockholm Syndrome is a very strange and surprising emotional response where a person who is being held captive or abused starts to feel trust, affection, or even love toward the person hurting them. Imagine someone being kidnapped, and instead of hating the kidnapper, they start to feel loyal to them. That is exactly what Stockholm Syndrome is. It seems hard to believe, but it has happened many times in real life. Understanding how and why it happens can help us learn more about the human mind and the way it reacts under extreme stress.
The term “Stockholm Syndrome” came from a bank robbery in Stockholm, Sweden, in 1973. During the robbery, hostages were held for six days by armed criminals. When they were finally freed, people were shocked to see that some of the hostages defended their captors and refused to testify against them in court. They even raised money for the kidnappers’ legal defense. Psychologists and the public could not understand why the victims were siding with the people who had put their lives in danger. From that event, the term Stockholm Syndrome was created.
But Stockholm Syndrome is not just about bank robberies or kidnappings. It can happen in many situations where one person has power and control over another, especially when fear, isolation, and survival are involved. This includes abusive relationships, domestic violence, human trafficking, cults, and even some work environments. The key part is that the victim feels trapped and powerless, but also starts to rely emotionally on the very person who is causing their suffering.
The mind’s main goal in any dangerous situation is survival. When someone is completely at the mercy of another person, their brain may find ways to cope with fear and helplessness. One way is to try to see the abuser as less threatening. The victim may focus on the small signs of kindness from the abuser—like giving them food, not hurting them on one day, or saying something nice. These moments become a lifeline. The victim’s brain starts to feel thankful for these tiny acts of “mercy” and ignores the bigger picture, which is that they are being harmed. This emotional confusion can quickly grow into feelings of trust or affection.
Stockholm Syndrome is not a sign of weakness or foolishness. It is a complex psychological reaction to trauma. When a person is scared, isolated, and feels like nobody else is going to save them, their mind may attach to the only person who seems to have any power—the abuser. This creates a false sense of safety and connection. In many cases, the victim may believe that the abuser is the only one who understands them or cares for them, even though the opposite is true. This belief can make the victim resist rescue, stay silent about the abuse, or even go back to the abuser after they are freed.
Children who grow up in abusive homes may also experience something like Stockholm Syndrome. If a parent is violent or emotionally cruel, the child may still love that parent and try to please them. They may blame themselves for the abuse and feel guilty for thinking badly about the parent. That is because children are completely dependent on their caregivers, and their brains are wired to form attachments no matter what. This early emotional pattern can carry over into adult relationships, especially if the person never learns what healthy love and respect look like.
People often ask why victims do not just leave. But in cases of Stockholm Syndrome, it is not that simple. The emotional attachment to the abuser, combined with fear, shame, and lack of outside support, can make leaving feel impossible. The victim may not even see themselves as a victim anymore. They may believe they are in a real relationship, that they are needed, or that the abuser loves them. This distorted thinking is not their fault. It is a result of intense psychological stress and survival instincts.
Breaking free from Stockholm Syndrome takes time, support, and healing. The first step is safety. Once a person is no longer under the control of the abuser, they can begin to see the situation more clearly. Therapy can help them understand what happened, rebuild their self-worth, and learn how to form healthy relationships. Support from family, friends, and professionals is very important. It is not helpful to judge or blame the person for what they felt. What they need is compassion, understanding, and patience.
It is also important to know that not everyone who is held captive or abused will develop Stockholm Syndrome. Every person reacts to trauma differently. Some people stay angry and fearful. Others may shut down emotionally. A few may form attachments to the abuser. There is no one right or wrong way to feel. The human brain is incredibly complex, and the way it reacts in a crisis depends on many things, including past experiences, personality, and the nature of the abuse.
In recent years, some psychologists have questioned whether Stockholm Syndrome should even be considered a real medical condition, because it is not officially listed in diagnostic manuals like the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. Still, the emotional pattern it describes is very real and has been seen many times. Whether we call it Stockholm Syndrome or use another name, the experience of emotional bonding with an abuser is something that deserves serious attention.
The more we understand about Stockholm Syndrome, the better we can help victims of abuse and trauma. We can stop asking harmful questions like “Why did they stay?” and start asking more helpful ones like “What support do they need to feel safe and whole again?” We can learn to recognize the signs of emotional manipulation and control, both in ourselves and in others, and speak out when we see it happening. And most of all, we can remind people that real love does not hurt, threaten, or trap anyone. Love should feel safe, free, and respectful.
By Khushdil Khan Kasi
